2012-04-24

by Nan Goldin.

2012-04-21

Remember what you have seen, because everything forgotten returns to the circling winds.

— Navajo Wind Chant

I keep pay stubs because someone told me I should. I keep them lying around/on/under my desk. they are folded and look like trash. Often they are sitting next to real trash; e.g. cracker wrappers, cellophane from cigarette packages, foil from cigarette packages. I will literally pick up the trash, look at the pay stub, think “I shouldn’t throw these away” and throw them in a drawer, or leave them on the desk. I throw them out every couple of months and the process starts again. This has been happening for years.

I think I can stop doing this now that I’ve written it down.

Are you supposed to file them? Who is under 30 and owns a file cabinet?

Is anybody really looking through a dumpster trying to find pay stubs so that they can use the information on them to steal from you?

This is a small example of unnoticed adolescent assumptions and minor fears that are still somehow steering the ship part-time.

2012-04-06

ezelrod

Source: brosephstalin

2012-04-01

(via ezelrod)

Source: odios

2012-03-30

I wanted to drive that van off the road and into the harbor the other night just to make something happen. Then it broke down, which felt like something for a moment, but I just ended up sitting with Eric’s wife, who was too sleepy to say anything negative but still did with her silence, in a different van waiting for a tow. Then I overslept on purpose and was 2 hours late for work. My weak rebellion. Lashing out by oversleeping. ON PURPOSE.

What if I drive into the desert with loads of water and just sit and sit.

No more plans. No more ideas. One month.

Do whatever you do when you get to California. Stay or leave. Spend or save. Connect or disappear. Don’t let it be ego-centered, or about pleasing others. Or do.

Whatever. I can’t speak for you, summer self.

2012-03-29

on the train I sit and shut my eyes

I am in the middle of some stupid world and where my brain is is

instead a huge, wet heart

and where my organs are are instead hearts

and my bones are all hearts too

and no heart anywhere in the world is beating but just wet and

humming and enormous

and I walk home

— Tao Lin

2012-03-27

I must hold in balance the sense of the futility of effort and the sense of the necessity to struggle; the conviction of the inevitability of failure and still the determination to “succeed”— and, more than these, the contradiction between the dead hands of the past and the high intentions of the future.

— Fitzgerald

2012-03-20

Nobody knows. What good’s an opinion if you don’t know? My grandfather knew the number of whiskers in the Almighty’s beard. I don’t even know what happened yesterday, let alone tomorrow.

→

“The redwoods, once seen, leave a mark or create a vision that stays with you always. No one has ever successfully painted or photographed a redwood tree. The feeling they produce is not transferable. From them comes silence and awe. It’s not only their unbelievable stature, nor the color which seems to shift and vary under your eyes, no, they are not like any trees we know, they are ambassadors from another time.”

- John Steinback

Mankind is driven forward by dim apprehensions of things too obscure for its existing language.

2012-03-02

Since the water still flows though we cut it with swords

and sorrow returns though we drown it with wine

Since the world can in no way satisfy our cravings

Let us loosen our hair tomorrow and go fishing.

— Li Po

2012-02-27

‘Arete’ implies a respect for the wholeness or oneness of life, and a consequent dislike of specialization. It implies a contempt for efficiency— or rather a much higher idea of efficiency, an efficiency which exists not in one department of life but in life itself.